Who would have ever thought that behind a smiling and happy face, there existed a deep emotional wound buried, waiting to pop out when life slowly started moving on the right track?
This is my story. A relationship which felt good when it started, but ended up sucking every bit and piece of my soul. Although I ended it years ago, I didn’t realise that I didn’t know that I needed to heal emotionally too. I took my time and finally dated, but I felt a hole within – something that I can’t put into words. I realised very late that this issue needed to be resolved.
Through a popular blogger, I came across Divya and her image consultancy company, Ksenia. I felt that I needed image remapping. While Divya and I don’t belong to the same city, she asked to connect via FaceTime. That’s how I started with Session numero uno. During this session, I spoke in syllables and nodded. I gave her hints that I didn’t feel right internally. She listened patiently and noted down points. At the end of the session, I was told that she would first address my emotional intelligence in Session II.
Wondering what’s emotional intelligence?
To sum it up – you need to talk, address the smallest and biggest issues that trouble your mental health and find solutions to everyday problems and the bigger life drama.
Skeptical to take up Session II, I gathered the courage to talk to someone via a screen. Normally, I wouldn’t open up but I realised that she doesn’t know me and didn’t fear being judged because I was moving towards ‘becoming a better version of myself‘
I poured my heart out. I don’t remember crying but I felt extremely light. It felt as if a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
As a remedy, she asked me to do the following things:
Write down ‘what made you smile today’ – Daily
Block every mode of contact with my ex.
Write a letter to my ex. Pour my heart out. Abuse, say the nastiest or things, vent out every feeling and emotion associated with the individual. Once finished, read the letter and burn it.
While I did the first two instantly, it took time to write the letter. Initially, I was afraid that I will get flashbacks of that relationship, and later I was trying ways to escape writing a letter to an individual who didn’t matter.
I was going to meet her in person and was warned that my session will be cancelled, if I didn’t finish this one ‘pending’ task.
The day arrived. I wrote that letter. Eight pages. It had every detail I wanted to address and say to that person. After finishing, I tore and burnt piece by piece.
That was the time I shut that door completely. And, I didn’t cry.
It’s been close to three weeks since I closed that chapter, forever. Since then, I’ve started to look at life differently, embrace the flaws in people around me, but find solutions to problems without affecting my sanity.
Earlier, I would lash out or take impromptu decisions regarding work, friendships, fights, etc
Now, I’ve learnt to listen, pause, think and respond with a solution without affecting my mental health.
And, I continue to write down ‘My Reason(s) to Smile Today’.
– By an anonymous client.